Andrew couldn’t believe he could ever feel suicidal. He was lying in bed staring at the ceiling, with a cigarette in his hand, wondering if anyone would ever fully understand life. Just when he was giving love a chance, he got slapped with the opposite real quick. His flat felt emptier than ever right now.
Was it really my fault? He thought of it all. He had given Tunde hundreds of thousands to settle his debt last year and even gave him more money afterwards to help him stand on his own two feet. But, as talented and ambitious as Tunde was, he always ended up in debt and needing money every time. He thought if he didn’t help out again, Tunde would be able to be self reliant and stand on his own feet, but never did he think Tunde was actually going to kill himself.
Veronica came back into the room naked, and he didn’t even feel any urge. The s-x they had had a few minutes ago was more mechanical than anything. He was even regretting calling her over as he wished she would just leave, but he couldn’t just kick her out. He just wanted to feel a little better, but now, he was feeling worse off. She bent down to take a drag from his cigarette stick and walked over to his wardrobe with the mirror in the middle. He and Veronica had an understanding, and she hardly asked him personal questions, which was why they had remained friends for this long. He never asked her why she was so beautiful but had a nasty scar on her upper arm, and she never asked why he wasn’t married at 36. Michael Jackson’s You Are Not Alone song came on, and Andrew was tempted to share his situation with Veronica, but he shook off the thought. He didn’t want to risk getting things more complicated than it was already.
Even though he was going through his worst time, he got an epiphany. He realized he really didn’t need the mindless s-x. And he made up his mind that if he made it out of the whole issue, and if Anita could forgive him, he would become monogamous. There was really more to life than money, s-x, and cigarettes. He took one puff from his cigarette and laughed as he crushed the bud on the silver ashtray by the small stool beside his bed. Veronica looked back briefly with a questioning look on her face, but turned back around when he didn’t say anything.